The Difference Between Success and Failure

A few years ago I was an aspiring photographer. You might have said I was successful. I had weddings and shoots. You might have said I was a failure. I didn't enjoy what I did because I did nothing but compare. I only saw my weaknesses. I pushed away people who might have helped me to succeed. I say "aspiring" because a few years later looking back I missed the point.

For a long time I had the "If only I..." disease.

If only I had this certain blog template.

If only I had this certain camera model.

If only all my lenses had the tell-tale red ring of the Canon L-series.

If only more people would comment on my blog or Facebook. 

...only then will I have made it.

I thought it was about things. Or shooting at specific places. Or charging a certain number. I'll be honest when I say my aspirations were low when it comes to all those things.

And I let it suck me down.

I was hurting. I was lonely. I felt like a big failure. And truly I had missed the point. I had failed. And then we moved to Kellogg and I thought all of it was over. Surely now my days commuting to Spokane for shoots were done and no one would ever hire me again.

Instead I felt like God was using that move to say "Take some time off."

So I did.

It was hard. I wanted to go back to my old ways so much. I promised to serve Him better, not to idolize likes or comments or inquiries or whatever it was that had me going that day.

But as time passed God healed my emotional wounds and worked on me more. And He said "The point is not what you want. It's what I want. It's about loving Me and loving people."

And so I repented. I had missed the point because I had focused all of my business goals on numbers and on things and in doing so missed the reason God gave me the opportunity to do it in the first place. My goals should be about loving and serving. Not about me.

Then Josh and Beca came into my life. Josh against all odds reached out via my Facebook page which had eighteen fans (all family members I might add). God has renewed and redeemed this part of my life which once only contained fear, regret, and an emotional wasteland. He has watered it with streams in the desert and He has been so good to me.  

So today I want to say a big heartfelt thank you to Beca and Josh, Tiffany and Marshall, Amy and Neil, Courtney and Breanne. All the people who have chosen me to photograph them so far and those who will in the future. Thank you for allowing me to glorify God through my work and the opportunity to love and serve you. It means the world to me. 

I have learned the difference between success and failure is one thing. Love.